Innocence is gone
by ForeverCountingStars
Summary: "Their eyes met, and for the first time since Katniss Everdeen returned, she felt the one thing she needed the most. Hope. But it had been that, just a moment." Three moments in which Katniss Everdeen has not been able to escape. Three-shot. Somewhat drabble. Post-Mockingjay, Pre Epilogue.


**Title:** Innocence is gone

**Category:** The Hunger Games

**Featured Pairing:** Peeta Mellark/Katniss Everdeen

**Summary:** "Their eyes met, and for the first time since Katniss Everdeen returned, she felt the one thing she needed the most. Hope. But it had been that, just a moment." Three moments in which Katniss Everdeen has not been able to escape. Three-shot. Somewhat drabble. Post-Mockingjay, Pre Epilogue.

**A/N:** Three-shot. Part two and three to be posted soon. Reviews/feedback are greatly appreciated.

—ForeverCountingStars

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Hunger Games, nor Peeta for that matter.

* * *

**Innocence is gone**

* * *

_ Oh, you tell me to hold on_

_Oh, you tell me to hold on_

_But innocence is gone_

_And what was right is wrong_

* * *

The first thought that comes to mind as Katniss Everdeen corners the young doe. The animal, as lovely as she is swift, had not been an easy task. She pulls back, about to let her arrow fly, when she sees it.

Sees it all in the young doe's eyes.

Anger.

Fear.

Terror.

Everything seventeen year old Katniss Everdeen has ever felt, everything she has ever done in just the past two years of her life was resting in the strange, azure eyes of the animal standing before her.

Peeta had not been wrong, she thought, I should not be alive at this moment. What good has she done, which people has she helped to deserve the right to live, to breathe?

The answer is simple.

Nothing.

She has hurt others, harmed the ones she loved, the ones who did nothing to deserve it. She had abandoned them when they needed her most. Peeta had not been wrong. She had never been the prey.

She had been the predator.

Murderer, killer, however she said it, however she used it, the words hurt just the same. Each one a knife, one that only cut deeper into a wound she had long since stopped trying to repair.

In that same moment, it is when she realizes that the doe is not the one who is cornered, not the one who is trapped. It is when she realizes that she has never left the arena. The nightmares that crept into her mind will always remain until the day she dies. A scar that, no matter how faded, no matter how healed, will never truly go away.

And she has the Capitol to thank for that.

Innocent children reaped, innocent lives taken, year after year. Am I really any better than them? She asks herself.

Everyone who she has ever cared for was always in harm's way. Her sister, so sweet, so innocent, had her life taken because of the war, because of the rebellion.

A rebellion she started the moment she pulled out those berries.

Though the war is over, though the Hunger Games are finished, the real battle has just begun.

Even after the Games, one is still trapped inside the arena.

One inside their head that the Capitol intended to create.

One that they have never intended for the victors to escape.

* * *

She wakes with a start, only to find her breathing shallow, her faded gray shirt stained with sweat. She presses two fingers against her neck and shudders at the touch. Her hands are ice cold, despite the room's warm temperature. Underneath, she feels her heartbeat, what was once a slow and steady beat is now racing, unable to stop. It takes several minutes for her to finally calm down, to convince herself that whatever nightmare played inside her head last night was just that. A nightmare.

One that seemed all too real.

Katniss stands up numbly, and heads into the bathroom. She strips off her clothes and turns the water on. In just a moment, hot water is coming down in spirals, easing her muscles, but not her conscience. It was Prim who was bursting into flames this time, calling for help, screaming her name. It was a nightmare she had often, one that could not be shaken off that easily.

However, it was not just Prim who crept into her subconscious at night. Her father, her mother, Gale, and Finnick were frequent visitors as well. Calling helped whenever her mother was involved, but Finnick and her father were dead, and she knew she could not handle it if she heard Gale's voice.

She turned the water off, trying to hold back the tears. She did not miss the man who killed her sister, the man she thought she loved. But instead, she missed her hunting partner, the boy she trusted more than anyone else, her closest companion. The boy who had been her best friend.

If that relationship had ever existed.

But he left. Left her to rot away in the ashes. Just like everyone else, she thought.

No surprise.

* * *

It happened suddenly, all too quick.

It had been a moment, just a moment.

But in that moment, neither had moved, neither had cringed away.

Peeta had been tending to the primrose bushes outside Katniss' home, a task that he enjoyed doing, and so she did not deprive him of it.

She opened the white-laced curtains part-way, watching him with an expression that exemplifies the pain she feels because they haven't spoken in weeks, even though Katniss would never dare admit it.

Suddenly, he looked up. She found

herself being absorbed into a never-ending pull of vibrant blue, the exact

color of the sky during high noon. An unfamiliar feeling began to creep up on her. Whether it was love or longing, she couldn't tell the difference.

Their eyes met, and for the first time since Katniss Everdeen returned, she felt the one thing she needed the most.

Hope.

But it had been that, just a moment.

She closed the curtains, her back pressed against the wall. When she looked into Peeta Mellark's eyes, she could not help but feel a pang in her heart, an ache inside her chest. She wanted comfort, she wanted protection.

She wanted him.

But it did not matter.

She could not hide the anger she felt towards him, the pain. She had hurt him, ripped his heart out more than once, and then left him in the dust. And yet, she was furious at him for not being the boy she once knew.

The boy who risked his life for her, time and time again. The boy who was captured, tortured, but took the pain. Because of her. The boy who had been her comfort, whom calmed her down after she had a nightmare. The boy who promised he would always be there for her.

Who loved her unconditionally.

It had only occurred to her very few times that she could lose him.

It had hurt even worse when she did.

* * *

_So I bare my skin_

_And I count my sins_

_And I close my eyes_

_And I take it in_

_And I'm bleeding out_

_I'm bleeding out for you (for you)_

_—Imagine Dragons, "Bleeding Out" _


End file.
